Today I Doubted My Practice

Have you ever been there?  You put in years upon years and thousands of dollars into a study.  Any study.  And when it appears to fail you, you immediately have doubts.  I woke up like that this morning.  Isn’t yoga supposed to make you feel BETTER over time?  In body, mind, spirit?  I feel like bricks at the bottom of a river.  Why am I facing these challenges that seem like huge mountains to climb and I’m wearing high heels?!

We’ve all been there.  That moment when we think we are not enough.  We don’t have the power inside of us or the drive to continue.  Our energy level drops because we are uninspired or no longer believe in what we are doing.  Do you know what I’m talking about?

How do you get through hard times like this?  Do you pull the sheets up over your head and give up?  And if you tell yourself you will be stoic and struggle through…in which direction do you go?  The path has become foggy and undefined.

For me, I came back to what I know best.  My yoga practice.  I decided that if anything was going to get me through, it would be deep immersion into my postures, breath work and meditation.  Surprisingly, with humility and surrender!  This was not the time to try a new flashy pose…this was the time to get back to basics and trust in my foundations.  It was a time to have tissues nearby.  It was a time to feel sensations and emotions.

Each time I feel this way there is something that needs to be broken through.  And to hit rock bottom is the only way to find out what that something is.  That is the challenge–getting through and emerging on the other side with new stories to tell about life, death and the struggle of being a soul stuck in a limited body.

Because the path is not well defined or lined with sweet fruit all the time.  There is mud and thorns and diversions.  There is rain that both soaks you to the bone, and hydrates you.  There is sun that blisters your skin and gently warms your face.  That is the game isn’t it?  The play of opposites.  So when the darkness comes, I look at it, sit with it, but know the sun is on it’s way.